It was less like seeing than like being for the first time seen...

28 August 2007

Island City Days.

Sometimes when I'm with a group of people, I try to imagine how different the moment would feel if I were alone. I thought about that a lot while driving across the country. I like to be with other people in a beautiful place when no one is exclaiming how beautiful it is, we're all just silently thinking our own thoughts. I once watched my friend's face as he watched a movie. He didn't notice me looking at him, and his face clearly showed what he was thinking. I think I liked him so much more after seeing how deeply the movie affected him. I can't even remember what movie it was now. I just remember the look on my friend's face. Maybe this is why I am so drawn to the Quakers. I like sitting in a meeting house packed full of people sitting in silence. I like the idea of all those unspoken thoughts being thought in one room. Sometimes New York is a hard place for me because nothing feels quiet or secret or subtle. The stereotypical New Yorker is loud and brazen and rushed. I tried to escape the noise of the city once by going in an art museum. But everyone inside was yelling, "I lo-ove this!" "I hate this one!" "Oh, this is cute, honey. LOOK!" and I just felt defeated. It's not that I don't like people. And it's not that I don't often verbalize thoughts that are obvious or boring. I think I just need to spend more time in libraries.

1 comment:

appleoftheearth said...

Dear Mary,

I was wondering if we are both free next tuesday if you would like to join me at the botanical gardens. Lily pads are in bloom and we can sit by the pond reading and watching them do that. I love this post. I love you.