It was less like seeing than like being for the first time seen...

01 November 2007

I spent some time trying to figure out my patterns and motivations.
I anticipated problems and self-prescribed trips to Los Angeles-
drinking my morning coffee under palm trees
eating sandwiches in Chinatown
taking photographs of my feet
and sleeping through red-eye flights in a Nyquil-induced stupor-
I baked and skated and hung drawings over my bed
Cursing Sundays and winter and cold hands
Thinking I could battle these demons with Leslie Gore and pots of coffee
Only to find I was feeding them instead
Wallowing in my self-diagnosed weaknesses
Paralyzed by self-pity and sadness...

Until I realized I had sentenced myself.
That I could break the patterns and question the motivations
That I could turn the page on the calendar
And honestly say I am happy to see "November."

2 comments:

Emily said...

I love November, and am happy it's here too! Such a bummer I won't be seeing you at the wedding!

Aaron Rose said...

Honor thy mistake as a hidden intention.
Brian Eno